I can text with my tongue
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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