he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
