seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
