Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
