i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
