You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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