My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
