I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
