mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
