yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
