Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
