so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
