You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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