If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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