dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
