I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
