Cold hands, warm shart.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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