I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Come share oat with me in your robe
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
