i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
