a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
