YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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