No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
