his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
