u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
