the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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