The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
