I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
