I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize