The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My pussy is not your playground.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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