YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
