I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
