so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
