We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
