trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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