I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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