you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
