I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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