Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She even gives head with a lisp.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
