Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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