my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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