i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
