My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
