You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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