Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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