Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
tequila makes me forget i have legs
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
