dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
