So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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