Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
