i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Randomize
