I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
