just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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