If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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