Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
