Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
