direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Randomize
