he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
