i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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