I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
