went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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