Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
