so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
