i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
