"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
