it was like eating out sand paper
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
