how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
