saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
