Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize