I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
