he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
