Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
